There are no words…

that can truly express how much I love my husband!

Today, as I looked out the window while hanging up clothes, I noticed my husband doing ‘manly‘ things. He was putting a tire on his truck. As I watched, my heart swelled with such love for him. He is one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is loving, kind, generous (most days), and he loves me. I have never, ever questioned that.

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You see, my husband and I are getting ready to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, on May 2. However, On January 4, we celebrated 25 years of being together (Dec 25, 2017 was 25 years since our first kiss). Considering I am eight years older than him, have been married a few times, where as I am his first wife…I believe that we have definitely been blessed.

When we first got together, most people told us we would never make it. They told us we would not last. It was not because of our age difference as much as it was because of how different we are personality wise…or at least that is what I’m guessing, because we are very different people. We see the world differently, we think differently, we react to situations differently. Yet, we work.

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Of course we bicker now and again, that is only natural and we both kind of like it; but we have only had four or five real fights’ in our twenty-five years together. Think about that for a moment four or five! There are many people who have been together for one year who cannot say that. We spent the first eight months of our relationship, together for practically twenty-four hours a day. Problems that normally cause couples to split only seemed to make us that much stronger. That doesn’t mean we don’t get mad sometimes, we just have learned how to discuss things and work it out instead of fighting about it.

When I say he is my best friend, I mean it. I take comfort in the sound of his voice, and the little things he does for me. He even made me breakfast and coffee this morning, how cool is that? He is the first person I think of when I have news to tell, he is the person whose advice I trust above all others, and he is the person I turn to when I need comfort.27973135_10155216762436551_6692076763718667948_n

Yeah, we drive each other crazy on occasion, but nothing fight worthy. Just what happens when two humans cohabitate in the same vicinity for more than a day or so at a time. If we need some quiet or distance, one of us just watches television in the other room or goes and reads somewhere. Most days, he makes me feel like the most cherished person there is. He treats me like a queen, and I know he has my back.

If I were to measure the bad times (fights, hurt feelings, etc.) against the good times, it would be like taking one grain of sand and comparing it to the entire beach. Those moments are so few and far between that they do not even seem to count. I just feel that we are close enough to perfect for me.

 

 

A piece to the puzzle…

I have had a deep seeded faith in G-d my entire life. I was raised Catholic, until I was nine years old, when my mother got ‘saved‘ in a little assembly of G-d church, and moved me to a new denomination. I always felt that the ritualism of the Catholic church suited me more than the loud chaos of the ASG and Pentecostal churches we were a part of there after. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole.

When I was in the fifth grade, I ‘went’ with a young boy named Michael. He was tall, and funny, and different from the other boys. He introduced me to Judaism. I found that they had rituals too, and I fell hard for the religion, not the boy. As an adult, I went back to Catholicism for a while, taking comfort, once again, in the familiar actions, but I was always drawn to people who were Jewish, but told it was not for me, because I was a little Catholic girl.

Over the years I have had the honor of meeting and becoming friends with some of the most fascinating people; a wide variety of ethnicity and faith. I have friends who do not believe in G-d, some who believe in many, and pretty much anything in-between.  The only one that has continually intrigued me has been Judaism. Much like my need to understand European culture, especially French, I have spent time talking with friends about it; questioning, and gleaning all the information I could. Never quite understanding why I felt so connected to these people and their faith. I have even joked, on occasion, that I was meant to be a Jewish Princess, because I was definitely meant to be royalty…turns out, I was not so wrong.

I have mentioned before that I was adopted. I have met my biological mother, but she has been of absolutely no use to me in the genealogy department. That isn’t a slam against her or anything, it is just the truth. I mean even her ‘maiden’ name wasn’t actually her real maiden name – it was her stepfather’s, so we really do not know much about her, past her mother. As for my father, well, let’s just say he will forever be a mystery because she either does not remember or does not want to remember. Regardless, I have received no valuable information there, either.

So, me being me, and having a deep desire to know where I came from, had my DNA tested. I am European – no shock really to anyone who knows me. When I color my hair red, you would expect me to sound like I came straight from Ireland. Having this testing done answered questions that I knew to be true, deep in my heart. I’m English, Irish, German, French, and a few others…but the thing I read while looking at the information where they traced my maternal genealogy showed there was something in our blood line, up until a few generations ago. My mother’s family had Ashkenazi Jewish. Apparently, I have some 3rd or 4th cousins who still do.

There it was…the puzzle piece that clicked into place. Prior to this experience, there have been three places in my life where I have walked off a plane and felt like I was home, where something just ‘clicked’. France, England, and Ireland. It is not something I can explain, if you have never experienced it. Fortunately, Jason experienced it too, when we went to Ireland. Now, I knew why that was, these places are part of where I’m from. Seeing that I have a family history with Judaism, that gave me a peace that I also cannot explain. However, when I’ve mentioned it to a couple of my Jewish friends, they got it, and they were not at all shocked. They’ve heard my questions, they’ve seen my thirst for information. It just made sense.

What does this mean? I’m not sure that it will change any aspect of my life. I’m over fifty, and not sure I could learn anything new at this point. Not to mention that there isn’t a huge Jewish community in my area, in the middle of Kentucky I’m finding vegans easier than Jewish people, and that hasn’t been easy either. However, the validation feels amazing. I’m sure there will be more conversations with my friends, and maybe I will start following the Sabbath more consistently. Who knows? I am just happy to have figured out that missing piece.

Random project idea, could be fun…

One of the problems with having ADHD, especially when you are not medicated, is that you have many glorious ideas, but little focus to put forth getting them to become reality. My mind is always bouncing from one thought to another, and it rarely stays in the same place for long. That being said, I’ve come up with a writing exercise that I think I might enjoy enough to actually get it done (emphasis on *might*).

One of my favorite television shows is Sex and the City, partially because of the characters, and the other part because it takes place in my favorite city, Manhattan. In each episode, Carrie, the main character, asks a question that she then researches and writes about for a newspaper column. As the show, based on the book Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell, has been around for 20 years now, I thought it might be fun to address these same questions now. Granted, I am not a young, up-and-coming anything living in NYC, but that doesn’t mean I cannot have fun expressing my thoughts on the matter. Also, my husband J will be throwing his two cents in now and then.

So, here and there, I will be throwing in these writing exercises, more for me than anything else, and we shall see how it goes. I’m actually looking forward to getting started.

Hiding From My Truths…

It has been over a year since my last post. Why is that? Well, it could be due to our move to Kentucky and all the life changes that have gone with that, it could be due to issues with my health and diet that I just do not care to share. All of the things that have gone on in the last year are things that would be great to write about, but someone gets hurt no matter which side I write towards.

My thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter to a few people, albeit not many, but those few are dear to me and to write anything that would make them uncomfortable…it just isn’t me. I had hoped to use this space to sort out how I felt about things, but that is when I realized that people I care about read it, and if I write something, that is just a thought, but a thought in the wrong direction, it could sew seeds of doubt and mistrust.

Where does this leave me? Skipping this last year of my life and starting with what is going on currently.  I may actually start using this space to write out the chapters of a book I’m working on, just to get it out there; motivating me to write more.

Regardless, I’m back. I hope this year has been good for you as it has been for me.

Discovering my purpose in life…

Do I have one?

I read this in my devotional this morning:

To find joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries.

This really hit home with another book I am currently reading The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, I’ll provide a review when I finish it. Hal talks about having a reason to get up in the morning, ones raison d’être if you will. He says that you can have more than one, but you have at least one, and to be honest, I am at a loss to figure out what mine is. I mean I can go with the basic one he states, to be the best me I can be, but I just feel that there is more to it, at least for me. Continue reading

It’s time to nut up or shut up!

Enough talk, it’s time to see some action!

I have spent the last several months reading everything I have been able to get my hands on, and watching documentary after documentary. I’ve been up and down on the emotional roller coaster, yet again, with how I’m so sick and tired of not getting everything I need from the medical field, but even more so about how industries with enough money can influence what we hear from the government on things that really matter. *sigh* I’m not going to go into a rant here, on this, I promise, at least not this post. Continue reading